after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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