My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he fucked my hip out of place.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
