thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
