I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
