I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
