so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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