Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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