Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
