who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize