Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
