she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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