I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
