In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
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Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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