Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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