I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
