she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
