Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
