my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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