i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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