Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
