If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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