I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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