You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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