So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
