Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
