there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
PANTIES FOUND
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