I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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