oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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