yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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