go do what you do best...puke behind churches
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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