He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
