ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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