I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
