So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
