I didn't shave. On purpose
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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