he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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