i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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