how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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