I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Your dad touched me again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
