I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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