Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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