don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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