Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am naked and annoyed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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