i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
