You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize