He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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