I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
