They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
