chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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