I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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