We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
