Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
