so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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