did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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