he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, beer. Big fan.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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